A Word to Betrayed Partners

I don’t want you to walk through this alone. I want to help you find your voice again. I want the choices you make from here to come from your own values. And you deserve a safe place to tell your story, all of it, without anyone flinching.

Betrayal wounds every part of a person’s life. Your sleep. Your body. Your faith, your friendships, the way you look at your own children. Left untended, it can wreck you. I also believe healing can free you from the false beliefs you picked up while you were trying to make sense of what he did.

If nothing you have tried has worked, you may be asking what you did wrong. You may believe this is somehow your fault. It isn’t. His behavior is not about you. You didn’t cause it. You can’t control it or cure it. Your boundaries may move him toward real recovery, but he has to choose that road himself. You get to choose what feels safe for you.

Whether you discovered his secret life or he confessed, as my husband did, you have big decisions ahead. I want you informed and protected as you make them. A therapeutic disclosure gives you the full truth of what you have been living with. Once you have the truth, new beginnings become possible.

If you choose reconciliation, it only works when your husband commits to the hard work of his own healing, with a professional and in community. The marriage heals as he replaces the damaging behaviors with a steady life built on integrity.

My Story

I never believed my husband could betray me. When he did, I walked through it mostly alone. The advice I got was poor. Some people told me I was critical and unloving because I wouldn’t keep forgiving the same behaviors over and over. Betrayal is far more complicated than forgiveness. I am still amazed I survived the spiritual and therapeutic abuse that came on top of the betrayal itself.

When we tried to sort everything out, no trained experts in this field were available to us. We divorced and stayed apart for three years because I had no hope we could heal.

I prayed and fasted for God to make him the man of integrity I knew he could be. When that didn’t happen, it did real damage to my heart. I had watched him try for decades and never get free. Eventually I started praying that God would take one of us home to heaven, as long as it wasn’t me. The pain was too much to carry year after year.

People ask me why I went back to him. My values shaped that choice. I never stopped seeing Bob as my brother in Christ. I felt confusion and compassion at the same time about how hard he had tried. I respected him as the father of my children, and I wanted Christmas morning with our whole family together. I was also done living inside the insanity of his acting out.

Today, Bob’s long-term sobriety and committed recovery have brought deep healing to our marriage. I suffered more on this road than I thought a person could survive. I have also become the woman I was meant to be.

“Although I have experienced great suffering on this journey, I have also become the woman I was meant to be.”

How I Work

Walking With Women Through Betrayal Trauma

My focus is women living through the trauma of sexual betrayal. I also have a real passion for sitting with couples who are trying to repair their marriage. Bob and I work with couples together using Dr. Jake Porter’s Couple-Centered Recovery Model, where I am Level 2 trained.

From 2017 to 2026 I did contract work with Daring Ventures, working and training under Dr. Porter. I have led support groups for Redemptive Living for Women with Shelley Martinkus and for Brave One Community with Sheri Denham. Bob and I recently reopened our private practice, Reconciled Relationships LLC, and we are now part of the Root to Bloom Therapy and Coaching team.

My Background

I earned a B.S in Art and English and taught junior high for a short time. After that, I spent twenty years working alongside Bob in our excavation business.

Later I felt led to pursue corporate coaching certification through iPEC (International Professional Excellence in Coaching), where I completed ICF-accredited training and earned my Energy Leadership Index Master Practitioner credential. Partway through, I realized I wanted a more direct path to helping marriages. I later became a Master Certified Professional Coach through the Certified Life Coach Institute.

Certifications and Training

• APSATS Certified Partner Coach, Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists

• Master Certified Professional Coach, Certified Life Coach Institute, ICF Accredited

• iPEC Certified Coach, International Professional Excellence in Coaching

• Energy Leadership Index Master Practitioner, ELI-MP Credential

• Couple-Centered Recovery Model, Level 2 Trained, Dr. Jake Porter

• Gottman Method, Trained

• Emotionally Focused (EFT) and Restoration in Love (RIL), Trained

• B.S in Art and English

Take the Next Step

You don’t have to figure out what comes next on your own. Reach out to Root to Bloom Therapy and Coaching and ask about working with Connie. We will help you find the right place to start.