When False Peace Feels Easier Than True Repentance: A Message to the Betraying Spouse
(A reflection on Lamentations 2:14–17 and 1 John 4:1–14)
By Tesa Saulmon, LMHC, CSAT | Root to Bloom Therapy
The Illusion of “Peace” Without Truth
When Jeremiah wrote the book of Lamentations, he grieved not only the fall of Jerusalem but also the deception that led there. He said the prophets “did not expose your sin to ward off your captivity. The prophecies they gave you were false and misleading” (Lamentations 2:14).
These false prophets told people what they wanted to hear: “You’ll be fine. You’re not that bad. Peace is coming.” But peace built on denial always collapses.
As a betraying spouse, this message is for you. False prophets still whisper today—only now, they sound like internal voices of justification or spiritualized minimization:
“It’s in the past now, I just need to move on.”
“If I focus on God’s grace, I don’t have to dwell on my sin.”
“My spouse should be over it by now.”
These are modern-day lies of false peace. They promise comfort without confession. They soothe the conscience without transformation. But God’s healing never bypasses truth.
When You Pretend You’re “Fine,” You Cut Off the Flow of Grace
Lamentations reminds us that God does not ignore sin—He heals it. But healing can’t begin until what’s infected is brought to light.
When you minimize the impact of your betrayal, avoid accountability, or spiritualize the damage (“God has forgiven me, so my spouse should too”), you’re choosing a peaceful-sounding version of denial over the painful but freeing path of repentance.
The peace that false prophets offered to Israel was emotional anesthesia—it numbed them from the truth. But numbing always prevents healing.
The Difference Between False Peace and True Healing
False peace says:
“Let’s just move on.”
“It’s not that bad.”
“I said I’m sorry—why keep talking about it?”
True peace says:
“I won’t minimize what I’ve done.”
“I will sit in the discomfort of your pain without defending myself.”
“I’ll face the truth because I want to be fully known, fully forgiven, and fully changed.”
In 1 John 4:1–14, we’re told to test every spirit, because not every message that sounds “spiritual” is from God. The same applies inside you. Not every thought or emotion that feels comforting is holy. Some soothe your ego but strangle your soul.
God’s peace is never the absence of conflict—it’s the fruit of confession, humility, and deep rebuilding.
God’s Salvation Confronts and Heals
The false prophets in Jeremiah’s day denied the people’s brokenness. God, however, went straight into it. His offer of salvation was not to pretend the sin didn’t exist but to redeem it fully.
That’s what He offers you, too. Not an easy fix. Not a “get out of shame free” card. But the chance to let His mercy remake you completely.
The good news is that when you stop pretending, you open the door for God’s transforming grace. He doesn’t despise your weakness—He meets you there. He doesn’t demand perfection—He invites surrender.
When you stop performing and start confessing, peace becomes something real, rooted, and eternal.
Reflection for the Betraying Spouse
Where have you believed false peace—telling yourself or your spouse “it’s over” before real healing has begun?
What fears keep you from fully facing your sin and its impact?
What would it look like to replace defensiveness with empathy and silence with truth-telling?
God isn’t asking you to stay stuck in guilt; He’s asking you to walk through it so He can bring redemption.
A Closing Word of Hope
Your spouse’s pain doesn’t expose you to shame—it invites you into transformation. Facing the full weight of what you’ve done isn’t the end of your story; it’s the beginning of your healing.
The cross reminds you that peace with God was never cheap. Jesus didn’t bypass pain to bring reconciliation—He went through it. That’s the model of true love, true repentance, and true peace.
