Full Disclosure: Getting the Truth — “I Promise, That’s All. There’s No More.”
Do these words sound familiar?
If you’ve been betrayed and are trying to understand the full truth of what has happened, you know how quickly these words — “That’s all. There’s no more.” — can bring up painful waves of doubt and fear.
You might find yourself wondering:
Can I believe my partner? Is that really everything? How can I ever know for sure?
Or, if you are the one who has strayed, you may feel frustrated, defeated, or confused about why your partner can’t seem to trust your reassurances — even though you feel certain you’ve told the truth this time.
These questions and emotions can feel endless. You’ve both gone through cycles of questions and answers, truth and uncertainty. You’re both tired, but the need for honesty hasn’t gone away. That’s because the need for truth isn’t about curiosity — it’s about safety.
The Need for Truth
The need for truth after betrayal is fundamental. Healing cannot begin until honesty has been restored.
Many betraying partners say, “Can’t we just move forward? It’s in the past. I’ve promised I won’t do it again.” The problem is that while the past may be behind you, the body and brain of the betrayed partner don’t feel safe yet. The human brain is wired for protection; once it’s experienced betrayal, it will stay on alert until safety is re-established.
In contrast, some betrayed partners say, “I don’t want to know the details. I just want to move on.” This desire to avoid more pain is so understandable — but it can sometimes keep denial in place, leaving you at risk of more harm. Avoiding the truth may feel protective, but real safety comes through clarity and accountability.
To truly rebuild trust, both partners must work together to establish honesty, ownership, and healthy risk-taking. There are no shortcuts.
What Is “Full Disclosure”?
Full Disclosure is a structured, supported therapeutic process for getting the truth — not through confrontation or chaos, but through careful, safe, and guided honesty.
It is designed specifically for couples who want to rebuild their relationship and is not recommended for couples who have decided to permanently separate.
The process typically centers around a Full Disclosure Letter, written by the betraying partner with the help of a specialized therapist (often a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist or CSAT). This letter includes:
Facts and timelines of betrayal behaviors
Lies told or secrets kept
Money spent and methods used to conceal the truth
This process takes weeks to prepare and involves multiple drafts and feedback to ensure it is thorough, clear, and appropriately detailed.
Disclosures should neither be vague (minimizing truth) nor graphic (causing unnecessary harm). The therapist helps both partners determine the right level of detail.
We often call this stage “cleaning the wound.” Just as cleaning a physical wound stings but prevents infection, this process is painful but essential to prevent deeper emotional harm later.
The Purpose of Full Disclosure
Full Disclosure allows both partners to participate in healing:
For the disclosing partner, it’s a chance to take full ownership, end the secrecy, and practice integrity.
For the receiving partner, it’s a chance to have reality validated — to know what truly happened so they can begin healing without confusion.
It’s important to note that this process is emotionally intense and requires courage from both people. But when done correctly and completely, it can be one of the most powerful steps toward rebuilding safety and trust.
Preparing for Disclosure
If You’re the Betrayed Partner
It’s normal to feel both desperate for answers and terrified of what you’ll hear. The waiting period as your partner prepares the disclosure can feel excruciating. Your brain craves certainty — and in the absence of facts, it fills in the blanks.
That’s why preparation matters. Work with your therapist to identify the specific questions you want answered, focusing on factual information: what happened, when it happened, and what was involved.
You will likely have deeper emotional questions — the whys and how could yous — but these belong in later therapy sessions, where you’ll have space to process meaning and impact. Full Disclosure day is about facts and clarity.
If You’re the Disclosing Partner
This process asks you to be completely honest, humble, and grounded. It’s not easy. Many people experience fear, guilt, and shame as they write and rewrite their disclosure letter. Your therapist will help you ensure it is detailed, accountable, and written with integrity — not excuses or justifications.
What to Expect on Disclosure Day
A typical Full Disclosure session lasts between 3–6 hours and takes place in a safe, private therapeutic setting with both partners’ individual therapists present (and sometimes a couples therapist).
The day includes:
Grounding and regulation — Both partners are supported to ensure they’re emotionally ready.
Reading of the disclosure letter — The disclosing partner reads slowly and calmly to communicate the facts.
Individual processing — Each partner spends time separately with their therapist to process emotional reactions.
Clarifying questions — The betrayed partner can ask factual follow-up questions to ensure understanding.
After the session, each partner leaves separately with support in place — often including a trusted person to drive home and a pre-planned self-care strategy. Many couples plan separate living arrangements for at least one night afterward to allow for emotional space and safety.
Polygraphs: To Do or Not To Do
Some couples choose to include a polygraph test as part of the disclosure process.
Benefits may include:
Greater peace of mind for the betrayed partner
An added layer of accountability for the disclosing partner
Reduced risk of incomplete disclosures
Timing options:
Before disclosure: can confirm the letter’s truthfulness before reading.
After disclosure: allows for clarifying questions and additional assurance afterward.
Polygraphs are not foolproof and should not replace honesty or relational trust. They are best used as an added measure of support — not the foundation of it.
Formal Therapeutic Disclosure (FTD)
Formal Therapeutic Disclosure is the structured model most often used in cases of sexual betrayal or addiction. It is a mutual, planned, and professionally facilitated event where the betraying partner reads a written document describing their history of infidelity or acting-out behaviors.
FTD can be done over several months of preparation or through a 3–4 day intensive program led by a trained therapist.
While waiting for disclosure can be painful, this time allows the betraying partner to emerge from denial, understand their patterns, and become fully forthcoming. Rushing the process risks omissions, deception, or retraumatization.
Key Elements of a Formal Therapeutic Disclosure
Both partners agree to participate and are emotionally ready.
Therapists coordinate timing and readiness for the session.
Neither partner is in active legal separation or divorce proceedings.
Both partners have therapeutic and/or peer support before, during, and after.
At least one trained FTD facilitator is present.
A polygraph (optional but recommended) may be included within a few days of disclosure.
Information Typically Included
Types and frequency of betrayal or sexual acting-out behaviors
Timelines and duration of behaviors
Approximate number of partners
Dates of last contact or acting-out behavior
Financial details (amounts spent, sources of funds)
Names of acting-out partners known to the betrayed partner
Health and legal concerns (e.g., STI exposure, arrests, paternity issues)
Impact on children or family (e.g., exposure to explicit content, contact with affair partners)
Brief sexual or behavioral history for context (optional but helpful)
Information That Should NOT Be Included
Graphic sexual details
Names of unknown affair partners
Locations (unless it occurred in shared spaces)
Emotional descriptions of affair partners or sexual fantasies (unless directly relevant)
In the same session, the betraying partner may also share their sexual integrity or “inner circle” plan — a written commitment to honesty, healthy boundaries, and disclosure of any future “slips” within 24–72 hours.
Why “Staggered Disclosure” Hurts
Most betrayed partners experience what’s known as staggered disclosure — learning bits and pieces of truth over time. This prolongs trauma, fuels obsessive questioning, and creates deeper mistrust.
A properly structured Full Disclosure process prevents staggered disclosures by ensuring everything is brought to light in one, comprehensive, therapeutic session.
Moving Forward
Healing after betrayal is possible — but only through truth, ownership, humility, and structured support. Whether you are healing from infidelity, addiction, or deception, a safe and complete Full Disclosure process creates the foundation for rebuilding trust.
It’s not easy, and it’s not quick, but it is worth it. With trained guidance and compassionate accountability, couples can move from secrecy and shame toward clarity, connection, and genuine healing.
A Final Thought
This article is for informational purposes only. Because of the emotional and psychological risks involved, Full Disclosure should only be done under the guidance of a licensed therapist trained in formal therapeutic disclosure.
You Don’t Have to Do This Alone
If you’re considering a Full Disclosure or are navigating the aftermath of betrayal, you are not alone. Tesa Saulmon LMHC at Root to Bloom Therapy includes Certified Sex Addiction Therapists (CSAT), experienced in helping individuals and couples find healing after relational trauma.
Contact us today for a free consultation to learn more about our therapeutic disclosure, trauma recovery, and relationship repair programs.
