Facing the D-Day Anniversary

If you’re approaching the anniversary of D-Day—the day you discovered your partner’s betrayal—please know you’re not alone in how heavy this date can feel. For many, it’s a day that brings a flood of emotions: anger, sadness, confusion, maybe even guilt for still feeling so much. There’s no “right” way to feel, and there’s definitely no timeline for healing.

This post isn’t here to tell you how you “should” feel or what you “should” do. Instead, it’s a gentle collection of ideas and rituals you might find comforting, meaningful, or just plain doable as you move through the day. Think of it as a toolkit—take what resonates, leave what doesn’t.

Communicate with Your Spouse (If Appropriate)

If you and your spouse are working on reconciliation, you might choose to spend time together, talk about your feelings, or revisit your progress in healing. Some couples use the day to reaffirm their commitment or set new intentions. If you are rebuilding together, you might choose to mark the day together. Some couples light a candle, share their feelings, or set intentions for the year ahead. Others prefer to spend the day apart, focusing on their own healing. There’s no right or wrong way—just what feels best for you.

Maybe you are working towards reconciliation and you prefer to spend the day without your spouse, that is okay too. I encourage you to communicate your needs, and also communicate that those may change from moment to moment, and ask if they can be flexible with you as you are unsure how you are going to feel.

Set Boundaries

If you don’t want to acknowledge the day with your spouse or others, that’s okay. Protect your emotional space as needed. If they are not welcoming of your space, create boundaries, and do what you need to do for your safety. Speak with your licensed therapist or couples counselor who specializes in betrayal and infidelity for guidance.

Plan a Distraction

If the day feels overwhelming, plan activities to keep yourself busy—visit a new place, spend time with loved ones, or immerse yourself in a project. This day is a day that changed everything, but it can also be the day you went horseback riding for the first time, or took your first yoga class, did pottery, or hiked at a new location. D-Day is D-Day, but is also this day, or that day. Maybe take the kids to get donuts and enjoy their sweet smiles on a random day of treats.

Let Yourself Feel—No Judgment, No Rush

Anniversaries of painful events have a way of bringing everything back to the surface, sometimes when you least expect it. Maybe you feel raw and angry, maybe you’re numb, or maybe you’re surprised by moments of hope. All of it is normal. There’s no prize for “moving on” faster, and no shame in still hurting. Sometimes just naming your feelings—out loud, in a journal, or to a trusted friend—can help take away some of their power.

Write a Letter and Release It

Many people find it healing to write a letter. This could be to your spouse, the affair partner, or even to yourself. Pour out everything you wish you could say, uncensored. Once it’s all out, do something symbolic with the letter: burn it, tear it up, bury it, or even float it down a stream. The act of releasing the letter can represent letting go of some of the pain or anger, even if only a little.

Light a Candle—A Moment of Honor

Lighting a candle can be a simple but powerful ritual. It’s a way to honor your pain, your progress, and your resilience. You might sit quietly for a few minutes, meditate, pray, or simply breathe. This is your time—a small ceremony that says, “I matter, and my healing matters.”

Create a Letting Go Box

If you have physical reminders of the betrayal—notes, photos, symbols of pain—consider placing them in a box. When you’re ready, you can bury it, throw it away, or store it out of sight. This isn’t about erasing the past, but about making space for your own healing.

Take a Healing Walk in Nature

There’s something grounding about being outside. If you’re able, take a walk somewhere peaceful. Some people find it helpful to pick up a stone, carry it as they walk, and then leave it behind as a symbol of releasing a piece of pain. Nature doesn’t judge, and sometimes a change of scenery can bring a little relief.

Plant Something New—Symbolize Growth

Planting a flower, a tree, or even a few seeds can be a hopeful ritual. As you plant, set an intention for yourself—maybe for strength, peace, or hope. Watching something grow over time can serve as a gentle reminder that healing is a process, and new things can bloom even after heartbreak.

Practice Self-Compassion

This is a day to be extra gentle with yourself. Maybe that means a soothing bath, your favorite comfort food, or a movie that makes you laugh. If affirmations feel helpful, write them on sticky notes and leave them where you’ll see them: “I am worthy of love,” “I am healing,” “I am enough.” Self-compassion isn’t a luxury

Reach Out for Support

You don’t have to go through this alone. Whether it’s a close friend, a support group, or a therapist, reaching out can make a world of difference. Sometimes just saying, “Today is really hard,” is enough. There are people who understand, and you deserve support.

Reflect on Your Journey

Even if it feels like you’re stuck, you’ve made it through another year. That’s something to honor. Some people start a gratitude or hope jar—writing down small victories, moments of peace, or things they’re looking forward to. On future anniversaries, looking back at these notes can be a powerful reminder of progress, even if it’s slow.

Most importantly, remember: there’s no “correct” way to get through this day. Some years, you might want to mark it with a ritual; other years, you might want to ignore it completely. Both choices are valid.

Healing isn’t linear, and you are allowed to feel however you feel. Be gentle with yourself. You are not alone, and you are stronger than you think.